Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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