Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
