bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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