12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
