So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
