He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
