So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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