3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
