I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
