is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
there was a trapeze. enough said
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Randomize
