Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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