she woke up with a sticky ear
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize