I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
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