i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
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