Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
