I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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