spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
