Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
