By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I'm determined to sit on that face.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
