This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Randomize