I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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