It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
