I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
