He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
