Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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