I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Randomize
