ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
just tell him i said nine months
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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