Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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