I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
