I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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