Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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