I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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