I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
