We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
