I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Randomize
