It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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