there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Drunk is not a location!
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
