I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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