Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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