just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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