You just made me feel so damn special
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
