I need help removing her.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
