Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
