Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
