apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
