Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
