Who wears a wallet chain?!
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
