i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
