At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
