He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
