She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Your tits are I can't wait for
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
