I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize