I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
