Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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