Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
