did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Plan B is the new Plan A
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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