I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
