Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
