Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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