thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
