3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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