like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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