I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Randomize
