Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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