Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
