why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I could make wine with my vomit
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I am mentally ready for anal.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize