he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
