That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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