she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Randomize
