that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I am one with the molecules
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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