Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
