If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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