Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
