I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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