there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
