I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
